At work today my collegue showed me an advert announcing an “all women Graduation Party”.
It went on to say “Is there something you would have liked to celebrate as a personal achievement,
But were never able to for some reason or another?This does not have to be an educational achievement.
If so come along and have some fun.”
It got me thinking on the need to commemorate the milestones in our lives if only to comprehend the
Place in the map where we have now arrived.And if you don’t know where you have been or which milestone you are at,how is one meant to traverse ahead? Then why didn’t I aim for the sense of closure by attending my undergraduate or postgrad. Ceremonies.
I think the answer lies in the lack of a sense of achievement and self doubt.
During my school years,I felt I had been a good student and whilst average,I never considered
myself lacklustre. Things changed when I started high school though and my family wanted me to
choose Medicine as my career inorder to redeem myself as any self respecting Indian girl would !
Firstly,girls are not encouraged to go further in their studies as ultimately they are expected to pick up
the baton of household chores from their mothers.Secondly,any career part from medicine and engineering
is looked upon with contempt,as artists are deemed broke and basically any self respecting Punjabi family would
never accept a girl’s hand in marriage who writes “artist” in front of Job ,on Marriage CV’s.
So inspite of a total lack of interest in Medicine,it was chosen as my career for me in high school.
After an entire semester of being caught dozing during lectures & ultimately receiving a fail in physics and chemistry,my grandad was summoned by my School Careers’ advisor.”I am not going anywhere,if anyone needs to meet me ,they can come and see me at home.I begged and cajoled him into the meeting.For my grandfather’s
Generation it was the man’s pererogative when and where he negotiates with the woman,and the role reversal in this situation understandably upset his conditioned self.
The ultimatum I received was either you choose economics else don’t bother with the studies at all.
I felt another redemption twang and succumed without a fair fight.In retrospect I often visualise “what if I had stood up for what I believed in and fought for my freedom to choose ARTS as a career then?”
That one decision would have steered my life in a whole different course.Perhaps my discontent with
my grades during graduation and later postgrad. Oscillates from that one pivotal fight I never fought!
During undergard,the tensions between my brother (who sufferred from manic depression) escalated
to the point that during my second year finals,he switched off the electricity from the mains.In response
inspite of having prepared my subject for a few weeks,I left the examination hall within the first 20 minutes
without having written a single word.My reasoning then was,”this will show him not to mess with me!”
The result of this self sulk was a year of penance in the form of reappearing for the second year exams the following year.So when the graduation happened,all my batchmates had already passed out the year before.
So in direct action replay of that exam walk out,I bunked the grad.party too.
Few years later when it came to the postgrad party,I felt I had majorly underachieved my potential,
so out of shame and guilt ,I bunked the postgrad party.Shame at the lack of commitment I displayed
towards my chosen dissertation topic which I eventually quit and copied of a friends dissertation
and passed it off as my own.Guilt at coming on a less than perfect score on the assessment.
It went on to say “Is there something you would have liked to celebrate as a personal achievement,
But were never able to for some reason or another?This does not have to be an educational achievement.
If so come along and have some fun.”
It got me thinking on the need to commemorate the milestones in our lives if only to comprehend the
Place in the map where we have now arrived.And if you don’t know where you have been or which milestone you are at,how is one meant to traverse ahead? Then why didn’t I aim for the sense of closure by attending my undergraduate or postgrad. Ceremonies.
I think the answer lies in the lack of a sense of achievement and self doubt.
During my school years,I felt I had been a good student and whilst average,I never considered
myself lacklustre. Things changed when I started high school though and my family wanted me to
choose Medicine as my career inorder to redeem myself as any self respecting Indian girl would !
Firstly,girls are not encouraged to go further in their studies as ultimately they are expected to pick up
the baton of household chores from their mothers.Secondly,any career part from medicine and engineering
is looked upon with contempt,as artists are deemed broke and basically any self respecting Punjabi family would
never accept a girl’s hand in marriage who writes “artist” in front of Job ,on Marriage CV’s.
So inspite of a total lack of interest in Medicine,it was chosen as my career for me in high school.
After an entire semester of being caught dozing during lectures & ultimately receiving a fail in physics and chemistry,my grandad was summoned by my School Careers’ advisor.”I am not going anywhere,if anyone needs to meet me ,they can come and see me at home.I begged and cajoled him into the meeting.For my grandfather’s
Generation it was the man’s pererogative when and where he negotiates with the woman,and the role reversal in this situation understandably upset his conditioned self.
The ultimatum I received was either you choose economics else don’t bother with the studies at all.
I felt another redemption twang and succumed without a fair fight.In retrospect I often visualise “what if I had stood up for what I believed in and fought for my freedom to choose ARTS as a career then?”
That one decision would have steered my life in a whole different course.Perhaps my discontent with
my grades during graduation and later postgrad. Oscillates from that one pivotal fight I never fought!
During undergard,the tensions between my brother (who sufferred from manic depression) escalated
to the point that during my second year finals,he switched off the electricity from the mains.In response
inspite of having prepared my subject for a few weeks,I left the examination hall within the first 20 minutes
without having written a single word.My reasoning then was,”this will show him not to mess with me!”
The result of this self sulk was a year of penance in the form of reappearing for the second year exams the following year.So when the graduation happened,all my batchmates had already passed out the year before.
So in direct action replay of that exam walk out,I bunked the grad.party too.
Few years later when it came to the postgrad party,I felt I had majorly underachieved my potential,
so out of shame and guilt ,I bunked the postgrad party.Shame at the lack of commitment I displayed
towards my chosen dissertation topic which I eventually quit and copied of a friends dissertation
and passed it off as my own.Guilt at coming on a less than perfect score on the assessment.
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