one flew over the cuckoo's nest

here i go
my love
feeling those feelings ,lornful, yet again
each time, i behold you
my spirit sores
like i have arrived home
so the doubts that come up
in your heart or mind
perhaps both
either , or
am ready to receive
so you go on your journey
love
will wear the head-torch
so when there is darkness
in the woods
the light will guide you back
to a waiting heart
or not
a soul that knows yours
or doesn't
a body that slides into yours
effortlessly
or doesn't
a being that yearns to be
with you
or doesn't.

your distance in the bed
one arm’s length away
we never had that before
those unspoken words
the heaviness in the air
eat into me.
you don’t ask me 
when i will go
i don’t ask you
where will i go to
away from you
away from us
i don’t know of such a place yet
will go and look for it
 keep this foreboding “lost”ness,
on the Backburner.


between us
such vast distance
i almost don’t know where to comprehend
where to start putting these thoughts together
where to find the building material
to put a bridge together
maybe a setubandu asana
is in order.


maybe
you said
when I asked
“love, we will be able to work things out between us, na?”
the “maybe,” you spoke
shook me
till my core
where did your trust in us die
when did you stop believing
why didn’t you ask me to carry this burden
sooner
share your doubts
to give you my strength

these eyes drizzle
yet more
will these tear run out

harry, sang these to me
often
if you love something
set it free
if they come back to you
it's yours
if it doesn't
it never was.


now
i sing them to myself
today
i re- read all your letters
written with clarity
that slowly 
my being filled up
all the love you shared
will keep me warm , darling,
till you return
or don't.


i dive deep
to look for the strength
to meet you again
with all your doubts
or your certainty
whatever come first
the end
or the beginning
i will be there
to receive

faith,
i believed in us,
the do nothing
lingers on.